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  • Writer's pictureMarion Mays

Be your own Valentine

Updated: Feb 13, 2018

Where do you rank on your list of people you love? If the answer isn’t first, perhaps it’s time to consider a different form of love this Valentine’s Day - self love.

For many, Valentine’s Day magnifies feelings of loneliness and frustration associated with relationships. What we fail to acknowledge is the true significance that underpins this day, as a celebration of love as a whole irrespective of relationship status.

The most important relationship

It seems the idea of relationships as self validation is rife in modern society, overriding the importance of the relationship we must first have with ourselves. If we were to draw upon what the experts have to say more often, we would become aware of the theory that self love is the facilitator of any deeper relationships.

In the words of spiritual and personal growth consultant Barbara De Angelis, “if you aren’t good at loving yourself, you will have a difficult time loving anyone, since you’ll resent the time and energy you give another person that you aren’t even giving to yourself”. It is when you become aware of your own self worth that you can attract the people and relationships that you want, rather than constantly seeking acceptance from others.

So, what exactly defines self love?

The Oxford Dictionary tells us that self love is ‘regard for one's own well-being and happiness’. Self love is a product of our actions in the interest of taking responsibility for ourselves, of caring and considering our own desires and of setting goals for our happiness and success. Self love permits us to be selfish sometimes, to prioritise our own wellbeing and alter our internal dialogue in order to realise self worth. Even Maslow’s hierarchy of human needs acknowledges the fundamentality of this concept.

Naturally, self love is not achieved overnight. However, with the right attitude and approach it is entirely within reach.

So before you begin stressing over how to spoil your special someone this Valentine’s Day, take some time to consider how you can instead spoil yourself.

Top tips for self love this Valentine’s Day and every other day of the year

Determine your outcomes

Identify the outcomes you want to achieve and then reverse engineer the actions to get there. Schedule your week/month/year in advance and fill your schedule with valuable activities that are congruent to your life and your goals.

Organise your finances

Getting money matters in order can relieve stress in every facet of life. Money impacts every single area of your life. Set up a budget, determine an investment goal and take action.

Change your inner dialogue

Negative self talk can hinder our ability to form relationships with ourselves and others. Try replacing this with positive reinforcements such as “I am” affirmations, emphasising what you like about yourself, and viewing what you dislike as an opportunity for self betterment.

Ancient Greek philosopher Epicurus once stated that “all other love is extinguished by self love”. So, this Valentine’s Day, make a conscious effort to first love yourself.


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